The Truth behind being the “Second Wife”

By Shubhda in Fashion & Lifestyle 20/11/2015

 

One day, in an interview, she met a man, in a posh office. She had never felt so energetic before. Instantly, she knew, she would want to work there. Mentally, she crossed off all the other job offers she had. She was 28-years-old, falling deeply in love, as the man, almost 10 years elder to her, congratulated her for accepting the job offering. Why, she did not know!

 

After she joined, everything she wanted, be it the newspapers, the lights, the coffee machine, a better cabin, was done, instantly. One day, he casually sat next to her, enquiring if her first salary had been credited. No, she gasped. The financial department of the company was delaying it unnecessarily. One phone call and he got it done. He smiled at her in an innocent boyish smile, looking at her with passionate eyes, as if he wanted to devour her.

 

The days when she had a fight with any colleague, he left his work and just sat with her, alone in the conference room to hear her out. He wanted to help her. Perhaps, he saw a little part of himself in her, a younger brighter part of him. No one else understood her in the office.

 
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But it did not matter, anymore.

 

Slowly, she started dressing well. Being more confident. Working more passionately. Talking with more energy. Every time he entered office, she would not react. But she knew every step, the perfume, the voice. She knew he was a senior colleague; she had to maintain her distance. And yes, he was married.

 

But one day, as she was heading out for a movie for some ‘me-time’ that Friday night, he passionately flirted with her, asking her to keep another seat for him. Her legs shivered, hesitantly. After so long, she had felt this way. And it felt therapeutic. She felt very desired. For the first time!

 

Days went by. One night she confessed her feelings to him. Somehow she knew, with him, he would hear her story. He would never object, be scared or ruthless. She poured in. Word by word. He replied. It was the first reply that did not put her down, or hurt her. Their relationship grew intimate and passionate.

 

It never felt wrong.

 

For him, getting the ‘love’ from a woman 10 years younger than her gave a different kind of kick. A kick he never got from his own, dying marriage, which he could not break. His wife and children were dependent on him and he had to shoulder the responsibility. But somewhere, his heart faltered. It was human. He could not maintain his distance from this young, brilliant woman, in whom he saw the ‘spark’.

 

He was falling in love with her, day after day.

 

But deep down, both of them knew that they could not have each other and grow old with each other. His eyes revealed how deeply unhappy he was. Every day, he spent long hours in the office, as if going home drained him from all his happiness and energy. She noticed that. She could see behind the mask he wore. She did not want anything in return. No price to pay. No obligation. We kill what we own, she always thought. She did not want that.

 

She was happy with no-strings-attached. She was content, just to be the ‘second’ wife, waiting for him day and night, insanely in love with his soul.

 

Is extra-marital relationship wrong?

 

Well, automatically the response comes as a huge, loud ‘yes’. How dare one even think of it? The mere thought shows how ‘characterless’ one can be, isn’t it? But then, honestly, is it that wrong?

 

Extra-marital relationships happen because of several reasons. Firstly, the couple has lost the love between them. The wife or husband does not appear that interesting now, the mysteries are solved, the curiosity leveled. Both are used to each other. They know that they have to stay with each other just because they are married. If they don’t have love, they need to fake it.

 

Secondly, in most of such kind of relationships, either the wife is too emotionally and financially dependent on her husband; making him feeling choked or is completely indifferent to boost his male ego, making him look for greener pastures. Though mind you, the same can happen with women too, who are married with insanely workaholic husbands who hardly remember their anniversary, anyway! Thirdly, few partners are just too inquisitive and bold, quite bored with monotony of one relationship. They want to explore more, tempting them to cross boundaries, without any hassle.

 

Just a Fling

 

These days, several men and women in metros, specially, do not mind having a one-night stand with someone else who is married. For most of them, it is a passing fling. For those who crave for more, it often leads to quite depressing endings, where the married man or woman finally returns to their respective ‘homes’,  without any pinch of salt, leaving the other partner bereaved and broken.

 

Honestly, extra-marital relationship is not right. It’s very necessary to be honest with one’s own self rather than indulge in cheating. Those who have the guts to enter into an extra-marital relation, should also be bold enough to take a stand, end their marriage, face the bitter repercussions and start again. There’s no age limit to that, for sure. Anyone can start again, anytime. But yes, it’s a painful and heart-breaking process, especially if children are also present in the married home.

 

The Loopholes in Indian Tradition

 

Right from the days of Mahabharata, Indian tradition is full of examples of how men had many wives. It never meant they were being dishonest to themselves or their wives. It’s in the male gene to flirt and look for more warmth, physical intimacy and convenience. At the same time, it is quite difficult for a woman to keep her man happy, all the time. It’s insanely impossible. So, what can she do to stop his temptation when he gets bored of her? Practically, nothing!

 
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These days, when men or women start looking for love outside their wedlock, it just shows the tragedy of our times, our generation. Neither ‘Love’ means the same, nor does commitment. And it also puts a question mark on the kind of culture and ethics that are being taught to our young children, especially whose parents indulge in such extra-marital affairs. What would happen to these tender, young minds, which are still unaware of the ruthless real world?

 

Truth behind Extra-Marital Relations

 

The earlier one understands it, the better it is. No matter how platonic or utopian your love seems, if it’s extra-marital, be sure that there’s some amount of cheating involved. So, how can you trust someone who is already cheating his own partner?

 

It takes a lot of time to understand the reality, to have the illusion lifted.

 

Being the ‘second wife’, no matter how irresistible it may seem, does mean ONLY being the ‘second wife’. You can never ever take the position of his true and only wife, until he calls it quits. And quite shamefully, men won’t do that easily. So, see where you are being used and stop it, immediately.

 

You need to be strong. Have someone who loves you dearly and not someone who is just using you as a distraction to cover his own voids, from his own dull marriage.

 

You deserve better, you sincerely do!

 

Shubhda
Shubhda Chaudhary is a Research Scholar, Featured Writer and a Budding Entrepreneur. She loves researching on Middle Eastern Politics, Role of Foreign Journalists and Arab Media. In addition, she is contributing to the research on an upcoming book on Farmer Suicides in Vidarbha.

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