What is Mindful Loving?

By Priti Bhengra in Editor's Pick 27/02/2019

Love is one of the most intense or deep emotions known to humankind, but most people seek it in a romantic way with a compatible partner. It is very meaningful for people, providing a source of deep fulfillment to them but to keep this loving emotion with people for a longer period, one has to learn and keep a healthy relationship. Relationships may fail for many reasons but it depends on the people involved to consciously master the skills necessary to make relationships endure and flourish.


Mindful loving, just like living a mindful life, is practicing mindfulness in love. But what exactly is mindfulness? Being mindful is being aware and present in the right now. In other words, being completely immersed in the present experience without getting distracted. In doing so, one is completely in the flow. Some even call it connecting to the source, or being in touch with the higher self. It is the perfect space when debarred by distractions you are able to connect with your intuition, and hence at peace. Often, mindfulness comes naturally when you are doing what you love. But it is possible to practice this same level of high commitment even in daily living and love.


Mindfulness requires an intentional and honest look at the connection we feel with those around us. It is only after we acknowledge the current state of our connection that we can aspire to deepen it in small ways.


To create a deeper and lasting connection with your partner and strengthen that bond, a person needs to continually nurture the relationship with care and communication. There are many forms to relationships but there are some prominent traits that allow a healthy relationship to strive. In the 21st century, a sense of fairness and equality marks as a sign of good relationship. People should have confidence in themselves and their partners, should be committed to face all differences and challenges that may eventually emerge with time, openly show affection, feel grateful towards their partner and have honest discussions about sex.


Important steps to Mindful Loving:


ATTENTION: Often, over a long period, in a relationship, people tend to not give as much time as in the beginning of the relationship. Among the two, one is often a caretaker not expecting any attention in return and does not realize their own needs and wants. But every human being needs someone who listens to their deepest feelings and needs, who can appreciate their efforts, and who understands their intentions, needs and fears. In general, the lack of attention to self and to your partner could cause an unseen drift which might become a big issue in the future.


ACCEPTANCE: Even if people may know their partners well, there are still things they would discover later on in life. One should therefore be ready to accept any new developments in the partner, difficulties and challenges in the future. If someone does feel anxious, needy, wary, self-conscious or intimidated, they are not receiving the acceptance that they need to function. Acceptance of whatever the future holds gives a sense of stability, safety and calmness.


APPRECIATION AND GRATITUDE: However old one grows, appreciation and gratitude shows affection and greatly strengthens the bond between two people. Appreciation gives a loving, accepted and a fulfilling feeling. Acknowledging the efforts of your partners towards you in any matter cements a good relationship. If that appreciation and gratitude is lost somewhere, it may result in a weak relationship because of not giving the needed attention. Without reciprocal appreciation, relationships wither, become resentful and may eventually die.


FREEDOM: Too many rules and expectations in a relationship push people to become who others need them to be, and in that way lose themselves. This could, in the long run, make them frustrated with themselves and their partner. Keeping some personal space without any kind of judgments even between couples is a necessity, because it then allows both partners to be themselves with no one to control them. Every person’s individuality needs to be maintained for the sake of their own dignity and freedom. No one can be forced to behave in a certain manner, or to change their feelings about something, or do something intolerable, or change their beliefs. Freedom gives a person space to breathe freely. It does not mean that limits can’t be set, it just means that one person should not try to control their partner. Limits are set to protect oneself; while controlling is meant to make the other do what one wants.


INSPIRATION: What one thinks about their partner is as important as respecting them. Therefore, it is important in what order one sees their partner, such as, a friend first and then wife or vice versa. It is very important to treat your partner as friend first because it helps to open up, and also to maintain the required freedom. It helps to see beyond projections. The experience with the spouse is then more familiar and easy going. It also helps you treat your partner with utmost respect.


PRIORITIES: In a relationship, it is very important set your priorities straight from the beginning and to make it known to your partner beforehand to avoid any conflicts in the future. The most effective prioritizing that many people follow is:

  • Their own beliefs and practices
  • Their relationship with their partner
  • Their vocation

Prioritizing helps stay focused on what is important and helps maintain a happy relationship with the partner.


PRACTICES: Humans are humans because they make mistakes. Hence, even after following all the steps to mindful loving, there will be instances where one person’s actions may hurt the partner. But it should be practiced more regularly to realize and accept the mistakes and make apologies. Even a habit should be built to apologize, on regular intervals to, for instances that you may have not realized that you hurt the partner. This clarifies that neither of them are perfect and that they know that they may hurt each other unintentionally. It’s better to honestly and compassionately confront issues that arise and not allow them to fester or stagnate.


What we think in our minds influences our relationships for good or ill perhaps even more than what we say or do, because it is our thoughts which most often give rise to what we say or do. Hence, it is important to have positivity in your mind to keep a positive environment around people you love.


“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of the things not meant for you.” — Buddhist saying.




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