The Art Of Coexisting: Teachings of a Father

A father is a girl’s first hero, the first man she begins to love and trust. Fathers not only influence the major decisions we make while growing up but also play an important role when it comes to choosing our partners.

Of all the things I married my partner for, a major one was his generosity, which is as much as my father.

In most of the Indian families, the male comes across as the influencing power. The decision maker and the bread earner of the house. He somewhat finds it necessary to make that clear not just to the members of the house, but also to the members of the society that we live in. Like most of the roles, power is also defined by the obvious contours that the society has put in. Money and position defines power but what really is important is to make one understand that it goes beyond that. Sure, money and an influential position are a major part of being in power, but the reality is another story.

Power is a feeling of being able to depend on oneself – emotionally, mentally and financially. It is not really a position in the race, it is more about coexistence.

The Eco in the so called egos of the world. Having said that, the influencer in the house is never really one person. It is not the home maker or the bread earner or the child bearer, it is everyone. That is what my father taught me – the simplicity of the word equality. For him, me and my brother were not really different when it came to getting the privileges in life. Of course he took care of our choices in giving us whatever we wanted, but never in his life did he tell me that I can’t be a certain person or do a certain thing by virtue of being a girl.

In a world that is patriarchal at large, the first man you love needs to tell you that it really isn’t supposed to be this way.

That you are supposed to question it. When you are a toddler and learning things, a father needs to teach you the right things. He pretty much shapes up her self-esteem and self-image. He also shapes up her opinion about other men. If your first brush with a man is right, you never seek to compete with the opposite sex, you seek to coexist. A father also lays out the plethora of choices that lie before your confused mind, in a structured way. He nudges and pushes you, and holds your hand just so you can walk the distance. Children eventually imbibe the qualities of both parents and a father is just as important in shaping the personality of the child as the mother is.

Initially coached by her father, Sania Mirza is a testament to what power is about, currently holding the doubles title. In the process of glorifying a person (and rightly so) we often forget the role of the larger team at play. The large team working behind her success has been spearheaded by her father, Imran.

In an article he had mentioned that right from her childhood he taught her to have fun, and to have fun in a game the opponent needs to be good as well. This taught Sania the art of sportsmanship, the art to coexist even while competing.

Our fathers also influence the partners we choose. A supportive father would paint a picture of a man you would want to spend your life with. One that would not try to influence you or direct you, but support you. You tend to expect that support from all your relationships, friends, brothers and lovers. The people you surround yourself with, also help you realize your dream. They are constant reminders and pit stops that make you rest it out but show the right path.

A woman with a supportive father is powerful in every bit.

She has the emotional balance to seek help when she needs it and knows the apt person who would help her out.

She has the financial balance because she does not understand the roles of a provider or a home maker and is taught to define them on her own. She has the mental balance because of the lessons imbibed and the support system she surrounds herself with. If behind every successful man, there is a woman. Then behind every successful woman, there is a supporting father.