Being a Child Free Woman – Smart or Selfish?

Life could be an unending honeymoon, with weekend holidays, dinner at five-star hotels and the evening out clubbing without having any worry of kids. Buying endless designer duds, watching movies at odd hours, and all such childless wonders till the time when baby knocks in !

Couples are at liberty of doing so until the stork comes visiting, the post which life’s all about diapers and donations.

Doing the balancing act is a cumbersome process; the families are nuclear surviving in a long work competitive culture, hence are delaying parenthood and living life to the hilt instead. Career advancement tops the priority list of women and for many others motherhood amounts to a huge burden. And so is the want of putting a hold on expanding the family, stay away from the responsibilities of rearing children and get more time for each other and become socially more recognised. With medical advancement like IVF, test tube babies or even adopting kids put rests to all the alarming biological clock and worries.

Well, the life of Sushmita Sen speaks it all, being a single mother of two daughter kids, she’s handling things like a pro!

Adding a real life story of Geeta Kanwar, a PR executive married to marketing honcho. “Getting married slackens the pace of one’s career growth. Kids are considered as a major hindrance. I have dreams to realise. Women are burdened with household work and other commitments are slowly refraining from early motherhood. I’d prefer my husband to take leave to accommodate the addition to the family. Considering he is extremely busy at present, delaying parenthood is a wise decision. I can later adopt kids or even work for NGO and help the needy children which are a greater achievement than be guilty of not being a good mother by not devoting myself or my time to them. The fact that we prefer to spend our money on ourselves rather than providing for our heir for a lifetime is deemed highly selfish or even the couple is often considered infertile, all this should change. Indian thinking must change for good, and marriage can rely on love, trust, companionship and not improve or bind only on having kids. ”

DINK is the epitome of consumerist materialist culture

Earlier, a decade ago couples were expected to have kids within almost one year of marriage. DINK is the epitome of consumerist materialist culture, wherein couples prefer to earn and spend orgiastically without any responsibilities. Couples get used to the easy life and forget the joy that kids bring into their lives. Though the DINK lifestyle is enjoyable but beyond a point gets monotonous and one feels shallow and may need to look beyond the money and comforts.

The story of Pallavi Purohit, an Indian actress and her banker better half Prashant. The couple has a take on why their no – kid’s status suits them fine “|People are very ambitious these days, so it’s difficult to start a family. We all want to do a lot of work, get to a certain income bracket so gets difficult to devote time to a child. We might not have monetary issues but my husband and I both are career oriented and need time to understand each other inside out. Also, husbands have to be hands on and divide the responsibility when they decide to go the family way. I will have babies when I am mentally ready for it. For now, we both are happy being career oriented and family planning sure has taken a backseat in our lives. Also, 35 is the new 30, earlier women would panic at 30 and hurriedly have kids but with advancement in medicine, science women can push it to 35 easily. Just making sure they remain healthy with less stress, good eating and workouts for the reproductive organs to remain active,” points out 31-year-old Pallavi who clearly wants to wait three more years to have a baby.

Pallavi points out the fact that women from her profession are reluctant to join the bandwagon, as they do not like to put on weight or go through the physical changes in their body shape

For Radio jockey Yaman Marwaha and his wife, rearing a child is all about sharing responsibilities. “Yes, my wife and I both have our own professional commitments, we haven’t planned a kid yet because both of us at this point in our lives want to concentrate on our respective careers. I think in today’s time DINK is extremely prevalent than what it was said about 30-40 years ago. Women are at par with men in all aspects of life. Plus it would not be fair to the child if both the parents aren’t available. I’m not saying that the mother has to be at home, it could even be that the father stays at home. Since both of us are trying to make a name for ourselves, we are waiting for the right time. This is surely by choice. Career and other commitments kept us away from taking the plunge but we are told by all the elders in the family every now and then to plan and start a family soon”. The couple has been married for over ten years, are set to give parenthood a shot.

Clinical psychologist Seema Hingorani feels the DINK syndrome is definitely on a rise despite the fact that women employees are getting six months maternity leave in place of three months. “Earlier couples weren’t sure if they were doing the right thing by not having kids but today I have plenty of couples coming to me who are sure that they don’t want kids. The absence of kids in their lives gives them plenty of room to splurge. These independent, head-strong women do not encourage their in-laws to interfere in their personal matters. With the high-stress jobs also creeps in a certain amount of insecurity and lack of confidence, to take on added responsibility. Eventually, the women become lonely and depressed. Tremendous effort is going into making a career, but few years down the line they’d realise they need a change in their lives. Women should go ahead, enjoy motherhood and learn to juggle both. Changing diapers shouldn’t turn out to be an extravagant proposition,” states Seema.

Financial independence and career growth are the two factors which prompt women to delay motherhood and hugely prevalent in demanding jobs in IT, marketing, MNC’s, advertising and media professions.

Though with this uprising phenomenon, the want to become a mother hasn’t vanished what with the various ways of shedding weight and designer maternity clothes around, one can be assured to look good all through pregnancy. Also, a huge concern amongst young women is the fear dedicating their prime years when their energy levels are the highest on bringing up kids which take away their ‘me’ time.

By the look of things, the DINK parent thesis is here to stay however a lavish, footloose and fancy-free lifestyle should not overshadow the purpose of life.

Live and let live should strongly be the motto practised in our country.