Feministaa

Delete Guilt, Insert Love: A Guide To Self-Healing

Guilt is one of the most commonly dramatic reactions that the mind creates as a crisis response to a situation. Imagine the case of an anxious colleague playing out a blame game, or a guy you once dated, calling you the “CAUSE” of a bad break up especially when you tried to maintain peace and compassion, or worse you blame yourself for a “mistake”. In all these situations, often our reaction is– “I should’ve been more careful while hiring, how didn’t I see through?” or “How can I end up dating a guy I didn’t like?” etc etc.
Yes, it is the most amazing feeling to feel responsible for every situation in our lives – we are accepting and seeing that we made a mistake. But our only purpose is to treat this mistake as a learning curve instead of getting into the “blaming our own selves” spiral. When we blame, we hurt ourselves unnecessarily in a moment we need our support the most.
All of us find ourselves in such situations of self-guilt, over and over again. Maybe this will be the best guide for those moments – to help ourselves get on our feet all over again.
Life is hard, whoever said it isn’t lying. The sign of true maturity is when we “accept our situation and find a way around it”. Obviously, it isn’t easy but either way, we suffer. Hence the best suffering is one which leads to growth.
So what to do when we are engulfed with absolute self-guilt?

Take a Moment, Breathe

When a stressful situation takes place, we may go numb or feel a barge of emotions. Right then we are the most vulnerable and hence susceptible to extreme reactions. In that case it is best to allow ourselves breathing space. Let the tears flow if needed. Talk it out to a friend. Write it down, sing it out. But face it, don’t escape.
Think before we react
Often our response is a reaction. Before we react it is best to think rationally. When we are engulfed in emotions and our mind is heavy, our response is not honest, it is in tune with the heavy emotions. Later when we feel lighter, we understand how most of our immediate reactions, driven out of guilt, were inconsequential.
Be Our Own Saviour
No matter the situation, we have to always and always stand up for our truth. It is very easy for the external world to blame us, accuse us, guilt-ride us, but they can only influence us, if we allow it. Oscar Wilde wrote, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission”. Hear, Hear!
Be Honest
Maybe we did go wrong somewhere. To err is human, after all, and that’s okay. The idea is to be honest and accept our role, regardless, only then the purpose of the lesson can be learnt.
Accept the situation
Finally, accept the situation. Yes, things go wrong, people act crazy. Even we make and will make many, even terrible mistakes. But if we continue to treat these mistakes as learnings, only then growth occurs!
Love thyself without a reason
Self-love is truly knowing and understanding ourselves. This enables us to stand up for our truth. And most importantly not get reactive but rather be understanding. Even if the world accuses us, as long as we know ourselves, nothing can hurt or influence us. In other words, we do not need a reason to love ourselves, simply that we are!
How people react or the way the external world behaves is not our responsibility. Our only responsibility is our reaction to a situation.
We can choose to look at the situation positively or negatively. Self-guilt is a negative reaction. Whenever we face self-guilt in small or large amounts, the only way is to show ourselves some love.

Avilasha Sarmah

Currently curating a creative team for Feministaa! Apart from that I am a wanderer who loves to write. Places call out to me and I enjoy making poetry out of moments. Do check out my book – “When the Cuckoo Called”.

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