“Heer Toh Badi SAD Hai” because Bollywood only cares about “Ranjha”

A Character Analysis of Bollywood Movie Couples 

Bollywood movies are a quick fix for a clichéd escape our desi soul desires. Mostly, they give you an assured ‘happily ever after’ and who doesn’t like a happy ending? However, what we don’t want is the brutal negligence of female leads to satisfy the #couplegoals.

Now, take off your glasses fogged with conditioned patriarchy and begin this journey of finding what would have happened if our beloved female characters of the classic Hindi movies didn’t end up with the flawed heroes? Yes, we said it!

Naina from Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani 

YJHD is an evergreen cult classic. It has a well-crafted story line, brilliant cast members and amazing songs that are still a part of the Indian wedding scene. All seems well, right? Nope, we would like to disagree here.

Donning the hat of the spokesperson of the woke generation, I’d like to highlight everything that was wrong with the Bunny-Naina duo. Bunny was a typical guy who was trying to find himself by exploring the world. He was a ladies man and what we call a fuckboi (pardon my French) these days. Naina was another stereotypical shy and introverted scholar who, in search of a break, met Bunny on the trip to Manali. Bunny flirted with her and liked her “killer smile”. On the other hand Naina fell head over heels in love with him but she refrained from saying anything because Bunny “udna chahta hai, daudna chahta hai, girna bhi chahta hai… bas rukna nahi chahta.” So, she lets him go, be his own person, find himself, do the crazy things he always wanted to do without confining him in her love.

Bunny met Naina again a few years later at the wedding of their common friend. Naina was now a doctor and appeared to have had a grand makeover where she lost her glasses and gained all the sassy confidence. Lightning strikes and Bunny realized that he loved Naina. Wait a minute though, Naina is sensible, she told him that it would never work out between them. Bunny disregarding all her inhibitions proposed marriage and guess what, she accepted.

That’s how the movie ends. What a brilliant ending! Or is it? It would be an ending if life stopped there. If YJHD has a sequel it would show Bunny and Naina going through couples therapy because their worlds don’t align. Naina deserved a better life partner. Someone who loved her before she became a glam-doll . A bad boy doesn’t suddenly becomes a good guy in the real world.

Falling for an emotionally unavailable man shouldn’t be Naina’s fate. She’s an accomplished doctor, a beautiful woman with a sensible head on her shoulder, why should she settle for a glorified Fuckboi?

Anjali from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

“Rahul is a cheater, Rahul is a cheater, CHEATER!”

Anjali was right. We should have believed her from the first scene, but did we? KKHH is sacred to some of the Bollywood fanatics out there and I believe in its sanctity, However, I also believe that “Rahul is a cheater.”

KKHH is a love triangle so complex that even the Bermuda triangle would look simpler in contrast. Let’s start by stating facts. Anjali should have married Aman. He was a good, stable, decisive guy who actually loved her. Whereas, Rahul, who solemnly believed “pyaar dosti hai”, continued to friend zone her. Anjali was undoubtedly in love with Rahul. But Rahul fell in love with the college bombshell Tina Malhotra. Tina knew that Anjali loved Rahul, the entire world knew that fact apart from Rahul- the oblivious fool.

What happened next will render you speechless. Anjali left college because the heartbreak of Rahul choosing someone else over her is too much. Wake up, woman! Why did Rifat Bi not come to her rescue and told the stupid child that you don’t screw your life and education over a silly boy. Anjali went back to live with her mother and meanwhile Rahul got married to Tina, had a child, named said child Anjali and became a widower because Tina died. How ridiculous can this situation be? Tina left their daughter a letter entailing a mission to re-unite Rahul and OG Anjali. The little Anjali got her matchmaking boots on and made her dumb father realize how much he actually loved OG Anjali.

In the end, Aman gave away Anjali to Rahul like she was his to give. Rahul and Anjali are now married and rumour has it she brings up her unfinished college degree during every fight.

Who won in the end, obviously Rahul because he got the college bombshell, OG Anjali and little Anjali. Who lost, you ask? Us, the women, who are forever going to pick the wrong man inspired by this movie.

Vaidehi from Badrinath Ki Dulhania

A classic cocktail of dowry drama, stockholm syndrome, abusive stalking and kidnapping topped with a dash of love is the storyline of this movie. Badrinath Bansal, played by Varun Dhawan, fell in love with Vaidehi Trivedi, played by Alia Bhatt, in a classic ‘love at first sight’ scenario. He stalked her, harassed her, heckled her on the bus and even sent unsolicited rishtas, to her house in the name of pyaar.

Vaidehi was an independent and educated woman full of aspirations who wanted to become an air hostess, whereas, Badri was an entitled brat and a goon who belonged to a wealthy family. Somehow, Badri made Vaidehi fall for him by chasing her out of the country. She becomes a bahu, when all she wanted to be was an air hostess. If she wouldn’t have ended up with Badri, she would obviously be cruising the sky, living in any part of the world and probably meeting the man of her dreams, instead, she is forever shackled as Bansal Parivar ki Bahu.

All these years and Bollywood still can’t seem to find a reliable male character for their female counterparts! Aren’t we tired of the stereotypical, bad boy meets good girl, love at first sight, family drama, existential crisis and eventual eloping into the sunset storyline? The female leads could do so much better without these flawed and, might I add, self-centred male leads.

Why hold hands of an emotionally unavailable and mentally stunted hero when you can be your own knight and gallop into the sunset!

Watch out for more content like this because Bollywood’s flawed Heers and Ranjhas are under scrutiny for investigation at Feministaa.