I Chose to End the Toxicity of Parent Children Relationship

The relationship between a parent and his children is very special. It is a bond one can never understand until and unless you are a parent yourself.  I was no different. I realised the responsibility and the affection of being a mother only when I had my own child. My relationship with my mother was very different as compared to the bond I share with my own child.

My mother had always been very harsh, demeaning and negative in the way she treated her children. It was exhausting for us mentally, physically and emotionally. The cruel words that she utters when her confidence fails or when she feels unloved are sometimes traumatizing. She has always been a closed book who did not share her pain and confusion with anybody. All efforts of communications would go to vain as the blame game takes a front seat. She would simply say,” I don’t want to talk about It.”, “Don’t tell me anything, I don’t want to hear” or “Are you crazy” and dismiss the topic with a wave of her hand.

For the longest of time, I had no idea why my mother was bitter towards me. Later I discovered that my mother was suffering from Bi-polar disorder. It finally dawned upon me as to why my mother always had a negative take on life. All these years what I thought was my masochistic nature was actually my compassion and understanding of her unhappy life. After realizing her condition my take on her behaviour has taken a positive turn. I want my mother to be happy in her life. I want her to love and be loved unconditionally. I decided to put an end to the toxic relationship that I had with my mother.

I decided that I am not going to follow her path when it comes to my relationship with my children. I decided to put an end to the negative relationship a mother and daughter can share. I decided to shower my kids with unconditional love. I deserve to be treated with love and respect and I will in return pass on the same qualities to my children. I found the affection for my child that my mother and grandmother lacked in their relationship with their children. I decided to shower the hugs, kisses and unconditional love that my mother never showed. My superpower as a parent is Gratitude. I decided to have a healthy relationship with my daughter and also decided to end the pattern of a toxic relationship between parent and children.

Ruchi Gupta is a mother of two beautiful daughters Anaya, 12-year-old and Mishka, 7-year-old with a heart of gold and a voice of compassion.