Ananya Birla

Sexual Extremes : It’s Okay To Be In The Middle

Sexual Extremes : It’s Okay To Be In The Middle

What you have beneath that underwear doesn’t tell anything about your polarity. In our culture, we have rigid notions of masculinity and femininity that are referred to as the polar extremes of our sexuality. People like David Deida and Mantak Chia have explained them in elaborate detail. The striking thing about this concept is that it is useful in compartmentalising our behaviours and biasing our beliefs, while it does nothing to make us feel safe in being ourselves.

Read the following :

– Pink is Girly

– Guns are Macho

– Hairy Chest is manly

– Dolls are for girls

– Long Hair are for sissies

– Lip Piercing is for Butch

– Skinny is Feminine

– Bald is not Girly

– Bold is Manly

– Strength equals Manliness

– Matronly is for Women

There are many things that we face in our lives and in some way or other they are designed to fit in the traditional model of polarity aka masculinity and femininity.

We live our lives unconsciously without the regard for our own self while we consciously swallow the programming from the people around us. And we wonder why we are not getting what we want in our lives and with our relationships with our partners. There are two simple points to ponder over here and let go of some beliefs that are holding us back:-

Owning and claiming your power

Whenever somebody tells you to do what you should be doing, they want you to fit in and be controlled. Just think it this way. On one hand, they say that men are strong and don’t seek approval under the pretext of being masculine and then if somebody wears a pink shirt, he is called a sissy. A man who doesn’t need approval will not actually care about being masculine or not because he is masculine. Besides, a woman who is taught to move safely through the world while suppressing her own desires will try to avoid risks and conform to the status quo. What is more dehumanising to oneself than not allowing yourself to do what you really want to do? But then, you have to be feminine. This concept of polarity serves no benefit other than keeping us under the delusion of our own nature. This was designed to control a person by owning their sexuality through subtle power over their desires, actions and beliefs. Instead of falling prey to those power hungry charlatans, question them and assert your opinions in the world. You may be wrong and rebellious, but you are being honest with yourself. Nothing is more appealing than being with someone who feels safe in their own selves.

Letting go of polarity

You are more than what you have between your legs. If we move through the world judging other people on the basis of their sexuality and gender, we set ourselves for trouble. A women who weaves sweaters or the one who is a gun enthusiast or a startup woman entrepreneur, they both are equal beings. Nobody is superior or inferior to each other. None of them is more or less feminine than the other because polarity is a myth. One time I came across a dude who was a badass boxer and was as cute as a teddy bear. He was destructive in the ring while borderline effeminates in the world. I have been with a cold, uncaring and gut punching woman who is a mother of three. Isn’t she matronly if she is a bit aggressive and rude?

When we try to fit our behaviour into the extremes of polarity, we lose our deepest selves and fail to express ourselves honestly. The only way out is to let go of what’s on the outside and reveal what’s inside while disarming our psyche of the false notions of polarity.

When we see someone as a person and not as a stereotypical model and demonstrator of femininity or masculinity, the dynamic totally shifts. We begin to realise there is more to them than their genitals and how they use or don’t use them.

For a long time, we have seen various measures of control in our society. When kings felt there was somebody trying to lead a mob against the dictatorship, those people were killed. Libraries were burnt to not allow people get new ideas planted in their heads. Then came religion and the never ending battle between sexuality and morality began soon after. Even now we are being controlled despite being a free and democratic place to independently live. What we now want is more than available to us but we are still trapped in the polarity that serves us no good.

I would better be an honestly expressed human being than a subtly controlled and deceived feminine or masculine perpetrator of modern patriarchal hypocrisy.

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