Pallavi Singh was in the 3rd year of engineering when she realized that Electronics and…Read More →
“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” RODNEY DANGERFIELD
When we talk about infidelity, what do we mean? Wikipedia says that Infidelity (also referred to as cheating, adultery, or having an affair) is a violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity.
In simple terms, infidelity is giving up on your current relationship and looking out for a ‘fresh relationship’ that can satisfy a soul either emotionally ,sexually or in both ways.
But why are women contributing to an increasing rate of infidelity?
The answer to this question can be found in our everyday lives, only if we think a little deeper. Infidelity can be attributed to reasons like lack of time management and inability to deal with certain” undiscussed” situations. In order to have a better understanding of the ‘intricate motivations’ behind infedility, I surveyed married women near to me.
“My husband doesn’t care for me anymore. He comes back from work, I prepare dinner for him. The kids are already fast asleep. As soon as he gets done with his dinner, he goes to sleep. I don’t think he is physically attracted to me”
“I guess it’s not working out . My kids are off to school while my husband is at work. I’m home alone all day with nothing much to do on my plate’. He doesn’t call me all day and when he’s back, he doesn’t even ask how my day went. I don’t think he cares for me anymore”
“My kids are old enough for them to take care of themselves. All I want to do is to have fun, but my husband isn’t FUN anymore’. Even on the weekends, he wants to be at home. He makes plans only with his colleagues and they are old and boring. Why won’t he take me out for dinner anymore? There is hardly anything left in our relationship to take anything forward”
“I’m sick and tired of preparing the food, cleaning the house, standing up like a servant to anyone calling out my name. What I’ve come to believe is that marriage is a full stop to one’s life. If this is what marriage means, Im regretting my decision”
“My husband and I are working and we’re so engrossed in our work lives that we forgot we have a life together. My husband now has his own life, I have mine. He doesn’t like my friends and I don’t like his. I don’t think we are anything close to being compatible”
I can somehow relate to these women who are deeply affected in their lives post marriage. Believe it or not, sex is not as steamy and hot as portrayed in 50 shades of grey. Adding to that, daily dose of work and household responsibilities, marriage does take a backseat to one’s life. Psychologists say that women are emotional beings and men are logical beings. Driven by emotion, women seek to attain an emotional security first. Men tend to ignore the emotional side and lead their lives in a conventional way, that’s why women are now seeking shelter for their emotionally and physically wrecked heart.
Janis Abrahms Spring, author of the book, After the Affair, describes a physiological component that comes into play during the initial phases of an affair.
In the throes of romantic love, people experience a high from natural amphetamine-like chemicals such as dopamine and norepinephrine. The brain releases endorphines–natural painkillers which is soothing and even creates a sense of security.
What makes a woman cheat on her spouse? Is it because they’re too ‘bored’ of their existing partner or there’s more to it? Women tend to have an emotional connection with their lover and are more likely to have an affair because they feel lonely even after being with their husbands.
When a colleague at work started showing her attention , she soaked it up like a sponge ‘ I wanted someone who saw me as more than a mother, a housekeeper. He appreciated me for who I am and saw me as a powerful sexy woman.’
Fisher says, “while men can be a lot happier in their primary relationship and also cheat. Fast forward to the 21st century, where women are now allowed to be tough, to say NO, to speak their mind, to become CEO’s and to enjoy sex. Women have become more assertive and in tune to their needs, wants and desires”
Here are some possible reasons behind a woman cheating on you.
Lack of attention
Why would anyone want to be at a place where they no more feel wanted? The situation arises post marriage. After a couple of years into marriage, its normal for men to ignore their better half. In general, women need and desire intimacy, If she is not receiving this from her husband or boyfriend, she only has one choice. Either to confront and wait till he understands, or find someone who does care. She will go to the attentive guy who feeds on her emotional needs, he could be her boss or the hot trainer at the gym.
The Boredom Factor
In many cases, women whose seems to be happy wife happy and whose lives look idyllic on the outside are actually bored, powerless and trapped. According to a clinical psychologist named Frances Cohen Praver, this is particularly likely to happen to a woman if her husband is career driven. Praver says, such women may choose infidelity for the excitement as its more like a break in the routine.
( Guys, don’t let your girl get bored of you)
Loss of Sexual Attractiveness
Psychologist David J. Ley, in the article “Why Do Women Stray?,” which appeared in the July 28, 2010 issue of “Psychology Today,” asserts that women often cheat in order to reassure themselves that they are still sexually attractive to strangers. In many cases this need is not the result of any lack of attention from their husbands–some women take their husbands’ admiration for granted and seek out new “conquests.” In other cases, the inevitable loss of infatuation that occurs as a long-term sexual relationship progresses, drives women to seek out the thrill of a new admirer.
Before we analyse a situation, we need to think, who’s at fault? Logical men or emotional women? I donot say that men are at fault, but women aren’t either.
A Man in a stable marriage needs to remember that if he stops putting passion and effort into his relationship, he shouldn’t be surprised if the woman in the relationship feels forced to fulfil her needs elsewhere.