Are you meant for an arranged marriage ?

A naive, submissive and docile girl walking in a saree, carrying a tray in her hand filled with samosas and cups of “chai”. From Bollywood to reality, this is what the picture of the “arrange marriage material” has been set. She might be a painter, a dancer, a banker or a musician but the real question is , Does she know how to cook? Was she involved in any affairs ? Is she Manglik ? and the pathetic list has no means to an end. Well, times have changed but the way of  judging the “arrange marriage material” has not changed a lot.

Rather certain extra factors have made their way to the checklist.

Her educational background is important but what she does with her education is not that important. She might be the best analyst in her company but is she the best cook?

Too smart is a big No. If the prospective in laws find out that she is more educated than the guy or if she is more successful , then that means that she is not capable of taking care of the house hold chores.

If she is fat, the guy will also be ugly and fat. So, Now a days, parents are more tensed about their daughter’s weight than her scores on her GMAT. Its okay if she doesn’t score well, but she has to look thin or her marriage is a question mark.

If she is not a trophy, she has to compensate the gap with her finances. Money fills the pit whenever its required. If her looks, weight and personality do not suffice the requirements, the money should be able to do so.

Education abroad is directly proportional to too much freedom. Too much freedom means that she has been doing something which is not meant to do or she has crossed some boundaries. What we think could be our biggest strength could turned out to be the biggest disadvantage in this scenario.

If she drinks at parties, she is out of the market. If she puts on her bio data that she is an occasional drinker, she has lost her chance to get married to her brutal honesty. This is because, good girls don’t drink. They don’t go out post 10pm and they don’t talk to boys.

In an arranged marriage, the perception of what one creates is accepted as the reality. If its painted as a rosy picture, then all is well but if the checklist has some unchecked boxes, then we have a problem and then we shift to the next profile.

Why do we have such preconceived notions about the real “arrange marriage material”? The Indian mindset is getting narrower by the day and we are accepting the narrow thinking with open arms. No one has the right to say or point out a girl as an arrange marriage material because marriage is a hunt for companionship and that is truly subjective to one’s choice. This orthodox checklist is not the sole judging mechanism. One should look for a companion and it doesn’t matter if she is arrange marriage material or not. The real questions are :

Is she is a keeper or not?

Does she make you happy?

Is she caring, kind and humble?

Would you want her to raise your children?

If you can answer these questions positively, that means you have found yourself a companion and not an “arrange marriage material”.