#Femshare: When ‘I do’ Becomes A Lie

#Femshare: When ‘I do’ Becomes A Lie

I was a young girl, at 24, when I met some guys over lunch in Chennai with a group of friends. We had a great time, and I was happy that one of my close friends from ‘our girl gang’ found the right guy there and settled into a great relationship.

We all connected well and started meeting each other quite often. From acquaintances to close friends and night outs, this was fun. After two years of their togetherness, the guy in the relationship with my friend, told me they had broken up.

But more than this, what shook me more was his confession that he had started to like me now.

I was in a fix, All I could hear my heart say was ‘Yes!’

The guy was all I ever wished for. He was good looking, Intelligent, and had always been a nice friend, I did not want to say NO to him.  I thought that this could work out.

Though, I knew that this would have an adverse effect on my friendship with my “girl gang.” I knew that they would doubt me for cheating on my best friend with the guy, but somehow all these thoughts seemed less important to me.

I had never been in a relationship before, hence this feeling was new for me. And considering the fact that I was not too confident about the way I looked, this felt like a dream to me.

We spent time together for the next few months and got into a relationship. Both of us felt like being in the right age to settle down in our lives, hence we thought of getting married.

Fortunately, our families too agreed and in no time, We got engaged!

After getting engaged I realized that this guy, who was now my fiancee, turned out to be a complete different man than what I had thought of. He acted weird at times and asked me to slowly cut off contact with the rest of my friends and family.

He wanted complete control of everything in my life. I trusted him and decided to carry on with the relationship.

We got married. But things didn’t go too well, we fought over little things quite often. I tried to sort out with him, but he didn’t understand me and always doubted and questioned me for every little thing. I felt like I was encapsulated, restricted and controlled.

I did try to discuss the matter with his parents, but they always told me not to worry and these things will ultimately settle down. I trusted them.

Things went on like this for 3 long years. But whatever it was, I was still attached to him, we were married after all.

But things never improved and one day, this guy decided he didn’t like me anymore and that he wasn’t ‘interested.’ He mentioned that we were not compatible. The guy who had proposed to me, and said that he would love me forever, unconditionally, walked out of my life. I was all by myself. Sadly, this wasn’t just any girlfriend, boyfriend relationship anymore.

I was now 30 and married. Both families were shattered and tried convincing him, but he just decided to run away to Bangalore and not pay heed to anyone.

I don’t know what he does there as he’s blocked me out of his life. Sometimes I try calling his friends, but I guess he told them to not discuss anything with me.

Sadly, his parents, who always supported me, ignore me now.

I am devastated, and I don’t know what to do. I feel that I am depressed beyond words. Everyone knows what our society thinks of this whole ‘divorce’ thing, I don’t feel like meeting anyone. I haven’t told this to any of my friends or family (apart from parents).

I don’t know how to take this ahead, my life is a mess.

And the purpose of writing this article is to convey to my readers that one should not get into a marriage, even when there is a room for the slightest of doubts.

It does not matter if you are engaged. Abort as soon as you can and don’t just rush into marriage

But yes, I feel that once married, you must seek commitment and try not to let your partner down. I know people might call me mad, but I will accept him if he comes back to me.

Maybe it is the societal pressure or maybe it is love, but I know that I am still committed.