The Post “Shaadi” Syndrome

That beautiful day which made you feel that your dreams have a meaning after all, is no doubt the day you get married. That day is the day when for a couple of hours,  the beauty of the entire universe condenses so as to create an extraordinary experience customized for you and your significant other. It feels like everything went by so fast and you didn’t even realize when this new chapter of your life turned everything around for you. The courtship was full of the crazy shopping, the lavish dinners, the romantic dates and the maddening wedding preparations. Now, there is a halt on most good things as the responsibilities and expectations are in force. The romance has taken a temporary break before the honeymoon begins. Now, he expects you to impress the family and create a long lasting impression.

Post shaadi, you should know that making an impression is important but most important is to make the right impression. Don’t get carried away trying to take the “good bahu” crown. You wont get it until you give them what they have eagerly awaited for, their grandkids. So, don’t try too hard and just make sure you know what you want and you convey that very clearly. The first few months could be a deal maker or deal breaker.

If you give too much, they will expect too much: The reality is that you have to be yourself and do what makes you happy. If you think that if you cook dinner for the whole family for the whole week, they will think that you are the best daughter in law, you are wrong. They will expect you to act in a certain way for the years to come and build up their expectations even more in the coming years. So, don’t create a temporary image, which you are expected to shatter. Rather be who you are and let them expect only what you are willing to do. Portrayal of a  temporary image will only result in disappointments later.

Extreme Support from your husband is of prime importance in the first few months. If there is a time when you feel that he is not supportive of your wants and needs, make it very clear. Don’t wait until it builds up and explodes. He needs to understand that you are a new member and he has to do anything and everything under the sun to make you feel comfortable. If he supports you, the family will support you automatically.

The family responsibilities are not meant for everyone to handle. Don’t be pressurized to do everything and please everyone. You cant do it forever so don’t start it now. Do what your capabilities allow you to do and do it well. It’s better to do five things right, rather than doing ten things wrong. Overdoing the family thing might just result in creating too many unnecessary expectations. Not that the family should not expect anything, but its wiser if you create low expectations now so as to be flexible later.

Don’t make yourself available all the time. Its true that you have to make a good impression, but don’t let everyone feel that you are always available for anything and everything. Your availability could turn out to be your biggest weakness, as your time will be taken for granted. Let everyone know that your time is important and is not meant to do menial tasks. If you value your own time, others will value it as well.

Post marriage, things will be different but what you make of it will last for a long time. Solutions to many adjustment problems depend on your art of handling people, your diplomacy with handling expectations and your clarity of thought. Don’t aim to create a perception, which will fade away soon, rather create what will sustain and give you inner peace. Marriage need not be not an institution, which drives on the foundation of compromises and adjustments.