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While some women think that the next step of a relationship has to be commitment, men on the other hand run away from committing themselves to one person. Running away from commitment is something which comes naturally to them. As soon as the woman mentions the word, ‘commitment’ , the man starts withdrawing himself from the relationship. This could be called being a coward or being a commitment phobic personality. Such men think of commitment as a bondage and are too much in love with their freedom.
Not all men are commitment phobic, but those who are, do need a strong push to understand the beauty behind being committed. If you are in a relationship with a commitment phobic guy, here are some ways you can deal with the situation:
1. If you two are in love, and you are ready to be committed, make him realise that he can lose everything. Sometimes, you only realise the value of a person, when he/she goes away. Before that, you tend to take him/her for granted and the only option left is to ‘ let go’. If you ‘let go’ of him completely, chances are he will realises his mistakes and make a move in the positive direction.
2. Be patient: Sometimes, men are not commitment phobic, they just want some time to settle. Career is the biggest priority for most men in their late 20’s, so you can’t blame them for being a little doubtful about something as serious as commitment. Give him time and space to grow in his career. Chances are he will be self fulfilled and ready to commit once he feels is the right time.
3. Don’t give him threats: One thing which is a big turn off for commitment phobic guys is a ‘threat’. He hates it when you threaten him to leave him or challenge him that you will find someone better. That’s the time when his ego hits really hard and he becomes stubborn with his decision. This is like a free pass for them as they think they can easily escape the onus of turning this relationship into a commitment. They use the threat as a tool to escape and it works most of the times.
4. Make love your weapon; Some guys are commitment phobic because they are heartbroken from their previous relationships and they are not in their best state to start afresh. If you are in a relationship with a man who is scared of commitment because of his previous experiences, use your love as a weapon. If you really want him to get out of the ‘broken’ phase, show him your love. Do things he will not expect someone else doing. Make him believe in ‘happy relationships’ and give it your best shot. The day he realises that you will not break his heart and that you are doing more than he expects you to, he will be ready for a commitment.
5. The “I’m too young for marriage” drama: Some men think that they can get away from being committed by using this excuse of being too young. They use their lack of focus and income along with instances of their immaturity as valid excuses to not being able to commit. Although, lack of maturity is a big indicator of being fearful of commitment. But, in that case you can’t just be patient and wait for him to be mature. You have to be secure in your relationship, so if he cannot give you any security, its time to take a call. Tell him that if he cannot make you feel wanted in the relationship, you have an option of halting the relationship right now. Be sure of what you want and convey clearly.
Don’t be under the assumption that his phobia would automatically fade away with time. You need to deal with the situation by either trying too hard or not trying at all. You can always use diplomacy and manipulative behaviour to trick him into realising the importance of this relationship, but you should ‘let it go’ if you feel that you have given it your all.
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