Unrequited Love

She was 19, and he was 18. A son of a bureaucrat, with wild ambitious dreams! She had fallen in love with him, but too late. Destiny at times is torturous. She had to travel for her higher education, move on towards greener pastures. She bid him adieu, knowing it was the last time they both were their innocent selves. Time passed, and years rolled in. As she travelled country after country, she preserved herself, in his memory. They didn’t talk, the distance had separated them. But his presence, his tender grey-eyes still haunted her.

Men proposed, she shied away, silently, storing the pain inside her. After four years, she decided she needed a closure. She travelled all the way back to the country to meet him, for the last time, for a formal farewell, like the customary burial of a premature dead child. She saw him, he had changed, a lot. She knew her unrequited love, all the sacrifice she had done was one-sided.

She confessed her feelings, he rejected her. And there she was, left all alone, shattered, as unknown people passed her by in that late summer evening. 

We all have loved. Loved perhaps a little too much. Unrequited love in an unspoken suffering, when described, it loses its value, its essence. But it’s not the end of one’s life. In fact, it’s just the beginning of another journey, of knowing how to deal with pain, how you pick your shattered pieces and move on. ‘Happy endings’ are over-rated and love never dies. But there was ways of fighting back, of being yourself again.

The fact that you are reading probably means that you too have suffered. Quite often, we do not know how to heal. There’s no prescription for it. So, here are few ways in which you too can distance yourself from your harrowing past.

Grieve enough

Let the catharsis take its time. Cry. Shout. Roar in pain. Don’t gulp it down and try to forget it. But be brave enough to face what happened with you. The scar will always remain, the sadness is everlasting. So embrace it with full arms. Remember everything, keep thinking about it. It will take days, months and years. But one day, you will suddenly realize it isn’t hurting so much as it did. There will come a time when it will seem like some other person’s story. Some other person’s pain. But to attain that point of saturation, you need to let your soul and body grieve.

Talk about it

Not with anyone and everyone. Have a close confidante who loves you the way you are. Someone in front of whom you can cry. Someone who can hug you and tell you how beautiful and special you are and will always be. That will help in your catharsis. But be choosy.

Your personal pain should not be shared with any Tom, Dick and Harry. Its only for those who know your soul, know your identity and can remind you of how magical your entire existence is.

Don’t smoke, drink or do drugs

Very often, especially when we are alone, we get into ways of psychological defending ourselves by getting dependent on intoxicants. Be it smoking, drinking or drugs, stay away from them. It’s very difficult but you have to. We all have our own mechanisms to fight. The addictions are different for different people. But in the end, you have to realize that it’s an addiction and it’s harming your body. And no love deserves it. You have to stay strong and watch over yourself. Just as you would take care of a little innocent baby.

Do something for yourself

It does not mean being a workaholic or inundating yourself with too much that you can’t handle. But try building something of your own. It can be writing a little diary, painting, learning music. Just do something which you haven’t done before. And make it a ritual. Do it every week. We all are social animals. So, interact with as many people as you can. Don’t let the rejection bitter you and change your personality. Always remember, in a world to be what you are, which is always trying to make you something else, is the greatest success. Do something that you can be proud of. Focus on your career. Friends, family, and relatives – all will go away someday. What no one can snatch from you is your work, your hard earned labour. Keep doing it until you start getting noticed and appreciated. It will help you.

See a therapist

Yes, it is a taboo in Indian society to see a psychologist. People think you are suffering from clinical depression. But let it be. Talk to a therapist. Let yourself out. Take medicines. Religiously take them. Don’t skip them. These medicines do work and you can feel the change yourself. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. But don’t sit in a corner, sulking and doing nothing about your pain. That’s the worst thing you can do to yourself. So be strong. Take that step, be confident and share your fears of the future with your therapist. It’s always better to get the right guidance.

 Forgive

Yes, this is the hardest part. Because in your story, you have been the victim. With time, as you heal, you will start seeing things in a different perspective. But you have to be strong and non-chalant for it. You need to see your life from a third person’s perspective. And that is when you can forgive the other person. It is very important for your own healing. There’s no point in holding a grudge all your life. It will eat you from within. So, forgive that person, that situation, that stroke of destiny. Forgive them for what they did to you, because they don’t even know and shall never know the intensity of that pain. And pray that they never undergo it.

All these steps take time. Its rightly said that time is the biggest healer. One day, you will laugh at your tears. One day you will emerge victorious, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. And one day, it will all make sense. Always remember, ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ and God will never weigh you with a burden which you can’t carry. So smile and be yourself. Let it take time, no matter how many months and years. But give it time. In the end, it is you yourself with whom you have to make peace.

And one day, believe it or not, you will love again.